ADVENTURES OF LORD KICKASS
by XxmanhatunluvverxX
Summary: THIS IS THE STORY OF THE COOLEST MAN EVER TO LIVE. THIS STORY IS TRUE, ALL OF THIS HAPPENED TO ME
1. CHAPTERS 1: the fight has came!

CHAPTERS 1: the fight has came!

I am Lord Kickass, I have a very big sick, and many blowjobs. I am an adventurer and many richman. Maybe you are hearing of me? Oh yes, of ourse you have.

My story begins on a very tragedy day. I was sitting in my mansion, sipping a finely aged slave. Outside the weather was turbulent and dark, just like my soul. I was reading a very deep book, one of the many that i wrote about my penis. As I sed before, it is very mondo. Suddenly slave slam through door.

"Lord Kickass!" Says slave "Darth Satan has stolen your bitches!"

"OH NAY" I sTfu "WHO WILL PLEASE MY PEENER NOW?! Certainly not you, slave. Your face is unerotic. I say. Displeased

"Yes" says slave " not even my father or my fathers father or any of my lineage would put a wang in me!"

"Haha" This will not do. I musteth destroy Darth SAT and get backeth my bitches, but where is Darth? I knoweth not, but I know who know.

"I am going now slave," I frown "keep my many books and diamond clean while I am adventuring"

"Of course Lord Kickass," says slave "go, and rescue the bitches!" And so I take my sord and set off onto road of adventure.

I walk for many days and many days. I eat and sleep, and when it rain, I kill wolves for to make tent out of wolves. It is long journey.

But now I am here: the cave of the most vile evil of セクシーな男の子. I walk into the dark where there are many bats. I hear a voice

"Well well well" says voice "it is Lork Kickass. I see you coming."

"Uwaah!" Says I. He step out from dark. A big man stand, with many muscles with skull necklace and pentagrams. His face small and angry.

"Now you die" he say.

"No." I say "you will tell me whereth is Daryl Satan. Or I will must kill you."

"Or what?" He sed

"Now we will fight" I say

"I am strongest"

He strike fighting pose and raise his biggest fist.

"あなたが失うことになります" I SAYSSSSS!?

He brings down mighty fist.

"ROARING BIG STAR FIST" he say. Is use of most forbidden technique. The world shakes as he bring down his diving fist.

"no" I say. I cut him in half with my sword. He fall in half.

"IMPOSSIBLE!" Says the masked hemrit, spankin his yank in the corner

" thou weret here hole tim?!"

"Now you know what it is for half justice!" I say grimly, sheathing my sword. He explodes and I walk away.

Now i walk for Dark Satan…


	2. CHAPTERTWO: The old bitch (not hot kind)

I am walking for Dat Satan when I am walking on road and I see an old bitch under tree.

"Save me" says the old bitch "I am so old." I see she not hot, but I am hero, so I help anyway.

"Of course young temptress, your alour beckons me" I lie. I walk closer to see what help she need, and then when I walk closer I see that she is naked, her face is of an old hag but body of seventeen. I have not cum in 5 hours, so I am distracted by beauty. Of course, I think, no bitch can resist pull of Lord Kickass schlong. I do many fucks upon he and her likes and screams many times, and 3 days later I am done.

"Oh, oh" she says.

"Thou art welcome" I say

" you have passed the test, Lord kickass. For you came closer to fuck me even though I am very old. You are real hero." She say. She reach to the bottom of the lake and pull out a sword. It is sharpest sword and goals like magic.

"Here, take this" this says.

"Thank thee" i say "unneeded sword."

" you are welcome" says the old bitch "but be wary, Lord Kickass, for I see darkness in your future."

Then she vanish into thigh air, leaving me under tree like a leaf. I take my new and only sword, and I set off to kill Darth Satan.


	3. Chatchapter: Le therd chapter

So now I am walking down the worn path, and suddenly I see something in the distance. I look and see it is two man travelers. I come to see if they need my hero help.

"What is thy name weary travelers"

"We are the fags" says the fags, and I look closer and see it is true they are fags. They are kissing and have Hillary Clinton bumper sticker and PETA stickers.

"Oh no" I say "not The Fags, i hath heardeth about you dirty faggots" the sway sinisterly in the breeze and laugh at me with pinkk eye.

" oh yes and now your quest is at an end, Lord KISSass HA."

"no, you JEWS"! I say. I jump and cut both of them in half.

"no" he says "this cannot be happening! NOOOOOOO!"

"not Adam and Steve, Adam and FUCK YOU." I EXCLAIM. I walk Away as they explode.

Another fine job by Lord Kickass. But just then i see another thing in the distance, a two girls, they both are nued, is super hot.

As i aproach i whip out my wangalisious smacker. They look like they salivating.

I yell towards them. " GIRLS DO YOU LIKETH MY PEEN?!"

"No i vag' she say.

I AM SHOCK. No treu human bitch refuse my peen. Then I know

"You are not yuman you are" i say "GNOMES."

"Yaaaaaargh" they say. "How did you know?!"

"I know for I am hero and eat shit." I say. It is now time for hero sword. I cut them in half with most speed for it is great evil for gnomes.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW?!" They yell

"yes" I say, and continue on my way as they explode. I walk for the rest of the day, and because of my anger in that moment, they do not stop exploding.


	4. Chapter four: alfred o sace

I walk have road for many day, and not once does Darth Satan stop sending dark gnome after me. During walk, during eat, even during sleep I am killing many evil noam chomsky.

Each I cut in half, and each I explode. After days gnomes stop. I am indeed suspicious.

then my suspicion am answered when I see ye olde man on the road. The man charge headlong at me. And he rip off beard and old shit!

"Fear me Lord Kickass!" He say "I Am most feared mercenary Alfred O. and I will kill you for I am most sneaky and have surprise!"

"No!" I say "thou hath sneaky on moi! I have many bitches at home that cannot survive without my man penis providing for them?"

"It is too late he say! No die"

He stab at me, and I do not block for I am surprise. It catch me on kneecaps. I am bleed much.

"Fucketh the banks!" I say.

"No, how did you know I am teller?" Says Alfred O Sace

"You should have done your homework. i frequent banks for i am richman! Ha!"

"Oh no!" He say. And now he is for scared he is surprised. Seeing opening, I cut him in half with my sword.

"Neon." He says which is no in Italian.

"You weren't very rich in flavor." I say. I walk away as he explode. It is very Italian. And so this is how I best legendary teller mercenary - with my wits.

Having sent in Alfred O Sace, I know now that Daty Satab is now in darkest places of all places, My ass. It was so simple, under my nose or rather checcs this whole time.

"YOU CANNOT HIDE!" I say. And so being smarrrt! I jump into my own ass. After much falling, inland in place. It is true dark


	5. Chatpen5: the tunnels of doom

Many moons ago, I install secret dimension in my ass to hide many secrets. Death Satan must have sneak way in, and now i will kick his ass.

As I approach Darth Satan's Skull Castle which is made of skulls i am maybe afraid? Darth Sayan is most powerful enema. He is super. He has control of the many armies of dolm and also is king of the gnomes people. He is the most evil. Ever

I approach the blood castle and I see sign saying this:

"BITCHES INSIDE"

Darth Satan is expecting me. I charge up through moon castle and when I reach roof there is shady figure looking out at all of the eyes and teeth and shit that make up the sky.

" DATH SATAN, I HATH COME TO PROCLAME ME BITCHES! !1! !?"

"Oh?" says a voice like doors slamming "and if I were to refuse?"

The figure turns around. It is man with red face and pentagrams and many men. It is..

Darth Satan!

"Give me the drugs Darth Satan!" He is lauging.

"Your crippling alcohol addiction disgusts me… son" says Goth Satan

"NEON, you lie" I say, crushed.

"Ha fuck you" says villain

"Enough" i say, sweaty "I am hero and I will beat the shit out of you… in a rap battle

"I accept." Says he "if I win fuck you and die, if I win, I get the bitches"

"These are fair" I say


	6. Chat6: the battle

'And when I win, I will force them to get JOBS"

"YOU MONSTER, I ONLY FORCE THEM TO GET blowJOBS!"

" style start!" Says stan " YEA YAE, YO I BEEN IN YO ASS FOR YEARS SON AND I AINT EVER SEE YOU GET NONE!" Bar 1 end. My turn.

"FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU AND I HAVE BITCHES UNGH "bar 2 end. Is tense battle.

"YEAH WELL WHATEVEN, I MUTHAFUCKING SENT YO MOM TO HEAVEN." I sweat. Is most bar. I must push hard to recover.

"PENTAGRAMS ARENT REALLY EVEN COOL, JESUS ISNT REAL, YOU FOOL." Not. Bad, but not good enough. I am losing this.

" DAS RIGHT I'M SATAN, EVIL INCARNATE, IF YOU WAS KNITTING YOU COULDN'T EVEN YARN IT!" Weak bar, I see chance to strike. I go all offensive.

"YOU SUCH A PRICK MAKING ME SO SICK HOW ABOUT YOU EAT A FUCKING DICK!" He smirk, and i REALIZE MY MISTAKE. He open his mouths for finishing blow.

" EAT YO DICK?! WHERE IT IS? I'D SAY EAT MINE BUT YOU CAN EAT HIS! YO DIS MY BOY MIKE, HE GOT A FUCKIN BIKE, HE'LL ROLL IT ON YO HEAD YOU'LL WISH YOU WAS DEAD!" This bar is devastation. I feel it slam Into me and I fly back many frets.

"HNUGNG!" I say and cough up blood.

"HA! IT IS END FOR YOU BOY" says lord Satan. I hear him laugh as world go blak…

"Hi there" says Death. He is wearing Faggy pinstripe suit. "You are dead now, would you like to do taxes?" Immediately I am angry.

"FUCKETH THE BANKS!" I say and I cut him in half with my sword.

"What? How?" He say.

"And now Brutus is dead too" I say. I walk away and he explode.


	7. Chapter 8 believing

I feel lif come back into me and I get up on my feet.

"What? How?" Says the Satan "I kill you?"

"Not enough." I say

" I spank you once boy and I can do it again" he say. He is getting very big. He takes out his thorny monster cock. I recognize it immediately.

"That's what you used to kill Kimberly!" I say

"Yaaaaas and fuck you!" He say

"No FUCK YOU." I say

"Then it is not time to fight fight."

We both strike fighting pose.

"YELLING BIGGEST BIG STAR FIST" he say. It's is molest forbidden. He swing mightily with cock, a pose I remember from my youth.

"Ha" I say, and I cut his dick in half.

"Gynecology halfeth off" i say. I sheathe my sword and his peen explode.

"Arghus" he says, and my sword also explode!

"HOW?"

"BECAUSE I AM VILLAIN. AND FUCK YOU." He say, and he squint. And his peenis grow back with thrust. I know I am losing. But then I remember.

"I HAVE BACKUP SWORD!" I say, and I do have backup sword. And I take it and I cut him in half.

"What? no."

"YOURE NOT MY REAL DAD" and then he explode. I take all of the bitches home and I fuck them happily ever after. And slave was also happy. Remember slave?


End file.
